Look At Me

Thanksgiving 2001. I had just purchased my first home by myself, a young, divorced mother of one son. I felt a bit overwhelmed at the huge responsibility of owning my own place, but at the same time felt excited and proud of myself. It was a brand new condo. I had chosen all of the colors and options and now I was moved in and settling down, ready to start my completely independent life.

My first year in that condo was a good year. Things were going well with my business, my son was doing well in school and I was loving my new, beautiful home. I typed medical reports for a living and though I did most of my work during the day while my son was at school, I had taken on so many clients that my workload often spilled over into the late evening hours.

My condo had two bedrooms, each on opposite sides of the floor plan. This was the first time my son and I had bedrooms separated that far apart, so I always left the hall light on by his room and left his door and my door open in case he called for me in the night. My desk was set up in my bedroom. It was a good-sized room and I was a single mother with little furniture, so the set up worked nice. Upon entering the room, one would find my desk directly on the wall straight ahead, so my back faced my bedroom door while typing. In order to save electricity, I always had all of the lights in the rest of the condo turned out at night.

One night about 9:00 PM I was typing. The house was silent. John was asleep down the hall beyond the kitchen and I was trying to finish up some work to deliver the next morning. As I typed, I suddenly felt a strange feeling like there was someone in the room. I turned quickly in my chair and looked over my shoulder. Nothing. I turned back and began typing. It was the summer and my hair was long, so I often pulled it back into a ponytail to keep it off my neck. As I continued typing, I felt something hit my ponytail and it began to swing from side to side. I spun around in my chair and said, "John! What are you doing?" But there was no one there.

"John?" I called out. There was complete silence. I listened for his little footsteps, probably running back to his room, but heard nothing. I heaved a sigh and shook my head as I turned back to my computer. "Okaaay", I said aloud, trying to ease my nerves. "I must be tired". I continued typing and a few moments later I felt it again. Something was batting at my ponytail and making it fly wildly from side to side. I slapped my hand behind my head, but felt nothing, so I spun around and shouted, "John!" Nothing. Silence.

I blew out a frustrated sigh and jumped up from my chair, walking briskly out to the main room, around the corner to the kitchen and down the back hallway where John's room was located. I stood in his doorway, squinting into his dark, quiet room. "John", I whispered. He didn't reply. "John!" I whispered louder. Still no reply. I entered his room and stood over him. I bent over and pushed on him lightly. He breathed in quickly and rustled over onto his side. He was definitely asleep. He was only 6 years old and there was no way he could pretend that well to be asleep. It wasn't my son hitting my ponytail, so who was it or rather, WHAT was it?

I returned to my room and this time shut my bedroom door hoping to shut out whatever it was. For that night, at least, the disturbances ceased.

A couple of nights later I was typing and this time felt a tug on the back of my shirt. I immediately jumped up and ran down the hall to check on John. Again, he was asleep. I blew out a weary, frustrated sigh and walked back to my room. I shut the door and held my hand against it, leaning on it for a second, "There. Now stay out and leave me alone", I said aloud. I sat down and settled back in for some typing, but before I put the head phones on, I heard a whisper, "Look at me".

"Oh my gosh", I thought. My breathing turned to panting. I shut my eyes and gulped hard, sitting very still in my seat. I wanted to cry. I had already been haunted for years. I moved into a brand new home thinking this was a new start and I would be left alone now. Was there no escape? I'd gone a whole year with no hauntings. Why now? What was happening to me? Was I crazy? "Maybe I AM crazy", I thought to myself. The room stayed silent and I opened my eyes and panted, staring straight ahead at my screen.

"Please go away. You've got the wrong person. I don't want to talk to you, whoever you are. I don't want to see you. I won't look, so go away", I said aloud, hoping the spirit of whatever it was would understand and have mercy on me. This may sound strange because I hadn't seen the ghost at all, but I had a very strong impression that it was a young woman, maybe in her 20s at the oldest. When I heard the whisper, it was hard to discern, but I swore it was a young woman. Still, I had no interest in communicating with or seeing ghosts and I wondered why I kept feeling disturbances everywhere I went.

I continued typing that night and the ghostly presence let me be. That night as I climbed into bed, I thought to myself, "Okay, I think it got the message. I think my life will be at peace now". And it was. For a little while anyway.

Several months later I was lying in bed late at night, trying to fall asleep, my thoughts racing. I was working on a musical project and I was excited about it, so I layed awake, staring at the ceiling, the street lights shining through the slight separation in the curtains. I could hear the music I was working on running through my head. So many ideas. My mind was working overtime, but I needed to sleep. It was late. I closed my eyes and tried to clear my head so I could rest. I felt my body and mind relax and I started to drift off to sleep.

"Kristin". I heard a whisper. My eyes shot open, but I layed very still. "What was that?" I thought to myself. My breathing was shallow. I stayed still, moving only my eyes around the dark room. I saw nothing and heard nothing more. I slowly closed my eyes again. "Kristin", it whispered louder. I shot straight up in bed. "Okay, WHAT the CRAP is going on?" I said aloud. "LEAVE ME ALONE!" I shouted and threw my body back onto my bed, squinting my eyes shut tightly and growling. I threw my body over onto my left side and kept my eyes shut, heaving a frustrated sigh.

"Look at me", the voice whispered.

"NO!" I shouted. "GO AWAY!"

The voice fell silent and somehow I managed to drift off to sleep. The next morning I awoke and layed in bed thinking about the past events, about the ghost bothering me and begging me to look at it. I was frightened and upset and just plain tired of the disturbances.

Later that day I took my son to my parents' house for a visit. As my son ran around my mother's backyard with a neighbor boy, I sat in the kitchen visiting with my mom as she baked. I needed to talk to someone and I knew my story sounded outrageous, but I decided to go ahead and lay it on her anyway.

"Why don't you just talk to the ghost? See what it wants." She tried to offer some sort of advice, some help.

"Are you kidding me? NO WAY! I do not want to see or talk to that thing, whatever it is. I just want it go away!" I retorted.

My mother sighed. "Well, honey, haven't you already told it several times to leave you alone?"

I huffed. "Yes", I growled.

She shrugged her shoulders, "Well...."

I dropped the subject. There was really nothing my mother or I could do and I just wanted to forget about it. I still had hope it would just go away.

It was summer again and the hour was once again late. Leaving my door open this night, I crawled into bed, yawning widely and rubbing hard on my tired, burning eyes. I situated myself comfortably in my bed and started to drift off. Sometime later in the evening, I briefly awoke, threw the hot covers off of me and shifted to my back. I sighed a relaxed sigh and began to venture back off to dreamland. Suddenly I felt icy cold fingers pull on my toes. I jerked awake.

"DANG IT!"I growled. "NOT AGAIN!"

I rolled over and pulled my feet in closer, huddling up. A few seconds later, I felt the icy touch on my ankle. Reflexively, I kicked my leg out into the air, making contact with nothing.

"That's IT!" I snarled.

Without opening my eyes, I aggressively threw myself to the end of the bed, pulled the covers back on and pulled them over me completely, up to my chin. I huffed and threw myself onto my side, adamantly refusing to cooperate.

I kept my eyes shut tight, trying to clear my mind and escape to dreamland before the ghost could harrass me any further.

"Kristin". The whisper was loud this time. It was fighting back.

"NO!" I yelled. "I said NO and I meant it! GO AWAY! I will NEVER look at you!"

The room fell silent. Without thinking, I opened my eyes.

Suddenly, I saw a smoky swirl in the air. It swirled in place like a miniature tornado and then flew towards the doorway, disappearing with a firm SLAM of my bedroom door.

And that was it. I never heard from or felt that particular ghost again. She was gone. Just like that - finally realizing my stubbornness was not worth it.

I just hope she found someone out there somewhere who would just....look at her.